1 Fixating on a ‘position’
We tend to see any so called ‘position’ in life as a fixed position. If we are a manager we see our self as a manager only and forget that it’s just one of many roles that come with the position. A ‘manager’ has the opportunity to be coach, trainer, teacher, counsellor, mentor, facilitator etc. depending on the need of the team and its members. A ‘parent’ tends to see their position as ‘supreme controller’ and they can easily miss the opportunities to play companion, coach, teacher, playmate, advisor etc. Even the role of ‘friend’ has many possibilities including confidante, companion, supporter, challenger etc.
2 Identifying with the role.
Life becomes awful serious for many people because they identify themselves with the role. They become ‘role conscious’. They start to believe they are the role which is like the actor on the stage believing they are the part they are playing. Over time this tendency extends into trying to play the same role in all scenes which is to invite both disharmony and disconnection. And when anything appears to threaten the role, as it must, they become fearful, defensive or aggressive because they take it personally. Hence the seriousness of so many people in organisations who are almost trained to identify with their position which they then perceive as ‘permanent’. They forget ‘I am not what I do’ and that nothing is permanent. This is also why the life of many children is less than the happiest possible when the parent sees themselves only as ‘the parent’ around here, and therefore ‘the authority’ on everything … around here! Perhaps this is why some parents are often not authorities on ‘having fun’!
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